+ 10C = Vancouverites try to turn on the heat. Edmontonians plant gardens.
+ 5C = Victorians shiver uncontrollably. Edmontonians sun bathe.
+ 3C = Italian cars won’t start. Edmontonians drive with the windows down.
0C = Distilled water freezes. Edmonton water gets thicker.
- 5C = Torontonians wear coats, gloves and wool hats. Edmontonians throw on a T-shirt.
- 10C = Quebecers begin to evacuate the province. Edmontonians go swimming one last time.
- 20C = Toronto landlords finally turn up the heat. Edmontonians have the final cook out before it gets cold.
- 25C = People in Vancouver cease to exist. Edmontonians lick flagpoles.
- 30C = Calgarians fly away to Mexico. Edmontonians throw on a light jacket.
- 40C = Hamilton disintegrates. Edmontonians rent some videos.
- 60C = Mt. St. Helens freezes. Edmonton Girl Scouts begin selling cookies door to door.
- 80C = Polar bears begin to evacuate the arctic. Edmonton Boy Scouts postpone “Winter Survival” classes until it gets cold enough.
- 100C = Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Edmontonians pull down their ear flaps.
- 114C = Ethyl alcohol freezes. Edmontonians get frustrated because they can’t thaw their kegs.
- 183C = Microbial life survives on dairy products. Edmonton cows complain of farmers with cold hands.
- 273C = All atomic motion stops. Edmontonians start saying “Cold ’nuff for ya?”
- 300C = Hell freezes over. Edmontonians cheer for the Calgary Stampeders & Flames. (Not even then!)
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